Some weeks ago I had the opportunity and good fortune to visit Ripple Town. What follows is an account of the sights and events that transpired there.
As Molly Moose wandered through Fanglemoon Forrest in the purple morning light, the trees winked, the sky shimmered, and the world glittered with the maybe mood of a new day. However Molly was not in such a mood, she pondered and pondered as she plodded along. For miles as the tangle vines tangled and the moss grew mossy and dense. At the heart of the wood; for she was now at the heart of the wood, a place no moose had been before; she met a bright glowing frog sitting in the shadows. “Oh frog!” she exclaimed, “I am displeased with this corporeal form. I wish to be a spiced falcon gathering apricots in the mountain snows”. The frog grinned and said in a croaky voice “aaaahh yes, I can make this so, for I am a magic frog! But first you must do something for me!!”. Molly Moose looked up and said “Oh, no thanks, I wasn’t really that interested”, then she went home to play Xbox online.
Olly Egg was rolling down the street one fine Tuesday afternoon. Everyone waved at him and said “Hoy, Olly Egg, a fine day it is to roll is it not” and Olly said, “Yes I am off to see the dentist”. At the other end of the street and coming in the opposite direction was Little Jeramy Big Legs, he shouted “I am Little Jeramy Big Legs and my name is clear for all to see! I’m stomping down this street to find an omelette for my tea!”. He stomped along and as he did all the people scowled at him and closed their windows, cats farted at him and dogs buried themselves when he looked their way. Even planes flying above would alter their course, writing insulting words in the sky. Soon he came to Olly, and in a booming voice said “I am Little Jeramy Big Legs and my name is clear to see!”. Olly interrupted him impatiently, “Yes yes, I know who you are and I am willing to offer myself as an Omelette to have with your afternoon tea”. Jeramy bent down and sniffed, then stomped, and all the building shook and rain fell from the sky and the air itself grew thin with terror. Then Jeramy snorted “I do not want to eat you, Olly, for I am a vegan!”, and he stomped off down the street to the sound of car alarms.
Rupert The Engine lay in bed and shouted “Vrooooom rrrrrrr vroooooom!!!”, and all his flatmates shouted back “Shut up Rupert, it’s 4am!”. Rupert felt dejected and thought “Woe is me for I am an engine and know no better”. The next morning Rupert got up, ate a slice of pecan pie and went to his job, filing tax forms at the local business. Rupert loved his job and was very good at it. His boss was a large filing cabinet called Uncle Sesame; he greeted Rupert “Hoy Rupert, I am your boss. Let’s change gears for a moment; please deliver these tax forms to the tower at once! If you do this task I will give you a gift.”. Rupert looked peppy “Oh yes, I deliver tax forms to the tower every day, it is my job!”, and he hopped out of his chair. Rupert ran outside, transforming into a car, and shouted “VROOM rrrrrr vroooooom!!”, and all the people screamed and jumped out of the way as he speeded along. Around the turn, past Tesco, above the old man and inside the city; he finally arrived at the tower. When he got inside, Polly Cogg looked up from the floor and said “Oh Rupert I like your springs!”. Rupert nodded and said “Yes, I will see you tomorrow.” and dropped the forms; then speeded off back towards the business, leaving trails of fire and carnage in his path. When he got back, his boss said “You have done a good job Rupert, here is your weekly payslip”, Rupert thanked him and went home to bed.
It was autumn and Susanna Wheat stood, golden brown and waving in the fading light. The people sang at the harvest fair and danced the Suzie Q and the Robot to the lyrics of The Sweater Song by Weezer. A year had passed since Susanna was born; the sun had come and said “Yo bro have my rays!” and the rain had come and said, “I have drips for you! You cannot refuse!”. This had happened thirty-eight times, but now it would never happen again. As the singing faded and the crowd began to have existential crises, Olly Egg came rolling down the street and Susanna said “Hoy, Olly Egg, I am wheat”. Then the sky turned to a dark deep blue, and the wind whistled in the electric bikes, and the sun said farewell and it forgot itself, and Olly Egg cracked down the middle. From inside emerged a vast neon Phoenix, glowing with light that illuminated the fields. The sky turned black and the stars grew a hundred times larger, shimmering, brilliant and clear in the night. Susanna looked around, then twisted and turned, and then jumped from the earth; transforming into a loaf of bread, before coming neatly to rest in the local Tesco.
After epochs away, Ada Astronaut returns from a galactic voyage to the familiar solar system of her origin. There is Saturn with its cosy moons, Jupiter looking like a chocolate sundae, and Mars home of three whole robots! … but where is Earth, with all its seas and life and parties and bottles of elderflower cordial; the home and birthplace of all people for all time, and indeed the only spot to get a good meal in all eternity? Oh there it is! and she would be landing soon.